How do we love ourselves? Big question. For this post, it is about having enough patience to listen to what our subconscious triggers are trying to tell us. Taking the time out to be still and discover what makes up our shadows ?
The journey to self-love can seem elusive at times.
Recently I found myself in a vulnerable situation. I had already worked through realizations and healing within two layers of this pattern, yet I found myself still experiencing an anxiety trigger. It seemed like a bottomless pit when it came to integrating the shadow within myself.
I needed resolve so I deep dived once more, determined to unveil the emotional pattern that was giving me grief.
On today’s journey I came to meet desire.
When I was a child, my uncle promised me and my brother a pony. I waited many years for that pony and eventually gave up hope. It saddened me. I was disappointed. My uncle had betrayed me. He had lied. That is what I felt even if it was a little extreme. I was a child.
I continued the pattern throughout my childhood, my school years and my adult years. Yes, broken promises, broken dreams, delivered by others and myself. I was sick of expectations. How far back did this pattern go.
We spend close to 9 months within our mothers’ womb. When we are born, our security is compromised. If our families are instinctually nurturing, a safe environment ensues. If our families are not the most intuitive people, we can be left isolated and handled like a separate entity that does not have feelings.
This can leave us wanting, craving, calling for that which we desire as a living, loving, human. We were left yearning for security but we can’t find it. Confusion sets in. We subconsciously question, why is my call not being answered? A longing, hope of attainment, futility, have now created the foundations of an emotional pattern.
Now that our pattern has formed, we are set up to travel through life calling for fulfilment through a desire. It could be a want for a person to love us, a material desires, something to fill the empty void and the longing persists.
Then we end up compromising who we are to get our needs met. This ends up looking like the, me, me, pick me, game of desperation. The, I am worthy of your love, or of the spoils of the earth.
So how was I going to heal this empty call. I had to journey back to my infancy. I had to nurture myself with love.
I stepped into my early inner childhood memories. I became a creator. I took splendor in myself. I became present in the moment and fully experienced it through my senses and my open heart. I nurtured myself with all of the 10 basic childhood needs until I no longer felt a void. My heart was full, my spirit was on a high vibration, I felt loved and content.
A great oxytocin release connected to contentment and gratitude, acceptance and forgiveness.
The message I received here. If you are investing in others or future possibilities for your happiness, joy may not show up with someone else or tomorrow or sadly, even within you. Looking outside yourself for fulfillment can present a distraction in your life. You find yourself searching for happiness to be provided by the treasures of the outside world.
When you do find a sense of happiness in quick fixes in events that produce dopamine or adrenalin, they fade. You are still left with you.
When you fully live in the moment with yourself instead of chasing something in the future or living in the past, you begin to fill your own cup. You realize that your already have all you need.
I am not saying that relationships with others never bring satisfaction or that goals never come to fruition, I am just saying, keep things in perspective. Invest in yourself…now, and the rest will fall into place.
Finding contentment in the here and now, having gratitude for what you have can bring contentment and a beautiful release of lasting oxytocin.
To find out how to meet your inner needs, connect with me for guidance.
